Thursday, July 14, 2011

the sun had set and the moon had yet to rise.... it was the usual evening as ppl call it, nuthing different, no cool breeze, no happy ppl standing around and talking...
the usual heavy traffic was there, the rickshaw wallas were standing in a corner and calling upon the ppl who were cuming down the bridge, all the office goers were returning to their homes to meet deir family.
the bridge was a very busy and bit crowded place. the yellow neon lights lighted the bridge, all the hawkers used to sit on it and sell deir wares and ppl could be seen bargaining with them. the usual things if u are lucky u could see fights but den dat is a rare thing happening around.
though this sounded rarely romantic place to talk yet we dont knw we used to talk...
we loved dis place, we used to talk as much as we want in this place. but then this area was always colorful wen she was around, everything was pleasant....
everything seemed different nw wen i stand here and watch dis place... it seems it has lost the human touch n nw i really wonder hw we used to talk standing here.

its been two years since i have seen her, my vidya. she has left me.. no!!! i had left her fr her good. she was ready to cum with me, ready to give herself to me only if i had taken the responsibility but den i was afraid.. afraid to take the responsibilty... if only i had accepted her everything wud have been same.. my life wud have taken a diff turn.
but den nuthing can be done nw...
the 14 months i spent with her was the best memories i had... i still remember the day wen i met her...

i was in 12th n had joined one of the prestigious classes in our area. everything went well i was happy in my field. i vijay mathur was a person who din care abt tomorrow, who only beleived in living my life in the present... a person fr whom gals were just a toy to play with n den leave. gifted with a nice tongue n a little intelligence mixed with a nice amount of confidence n a free nature, it din take me enough tym to make a big group of frnds who were nearly like me... who wanted to enjoy each n every moment of their life without seeing wat will happen in the future... gals too liked our company infact we had many female frnds frm diff batches also... we were the centre of attraction... n the reason of headaches fr all teachers....
we rocked the place.. i was loving attention i was getting. everything went well, we were average in studies n the best in all the mastis we could do in the class n as we were the seniors in the class, the juniors were also encouraged with the things we used to do in the classes. they found it cool to hang out with us.. all the poens were our frnds so they also din mind nething we did.. we had some teachers on our side to we were like the favourites of the class. though the principle clearly hated us she din show it.

everything went on well... it is as they say n has always happened.. wen a person is happy n contended with the life he lives, god will do sumthing so that the person finds his life incomplete n he starts out searching fr dat.. seriously ppl i mean look at gautham buddah... he was a prince living in luxury n fame n in royalty... he was happy happy until god brought him outside his kingdom n showed him the ppl n deir miseries n dat was it... poor child gautham started finding his life incomplete n he set out fr searching the meaning of his existence... look at the king ashoka.. such a damm n brave king he was... still he left it all coz he saw the no of ppl he had killed in the war n he to felt incomplete. i dont knw y he does it but den i am nt asking him y he does it??
in my life, incumpleteness was put in me in the form of this vidya.
god i wnt ever frgt that face of hers.. she was a person who was afraid of herself, her parents, the world around here.. there was not a single amount of confidence in her.. all her life she followed wat her parents told her, never has she thought that it might nt wrk fr me or y the hell am i doin it??? she had no frnds on whom she could trust, she wanted to tell many things to a person n she din wnt to tell it to her parents, she wanted a person with whom she can dream freely, be free, can share her sorrows.... but den agin she was afraid to do so.
she was at the tip of breaking down wen i met her in the class....
she was supervising my preliminary exams set in the class... her face revealed everthing to me. she was nt dat attractive or beautiful but still dat face prompted me to see her again n again n go n telk to her.. fr the first tym in my life i was afraid to talk to a person....
slowly n steadily god was gambling with my happy life... bets were put on wheter i will go on n talk to her...
nw my case is as i said i din care abt nething. fr me the whole world is full of sick ppl who din wnt my help n i din want to offer help. i have never offered help to ne blind person on the road n have never given money to ne beggars. i ve never offered ne help to ne of my frnds... if i had done ne help it was done for sumthing in return....
n here looking at dat gal even though she din ask me fr help i wanted to help her coz her face was asking me fr help... i knew i sound crazy but dis is wat i felt wen i saw her... i wanted to help her.. at first i ignored dat feeling n also in din say it to my frnds fearing dat dey may tease me...
slowly incumpleteness started filling me... i strted realising dat i was nt happy.. i wanted her near me. i wanted to help her. i decided i will talk with her. so purposedully i let her catch me cheating in the tests. she was taking my papers to the principal n i was like telling her nt to do it n den she gave me a chance...
after the test i went n talked to her n she was like "its ok see to it dat i dnt catch u copying again".
n den frm next tym onwards she started smiling at me wenever she saw me...
then slowly n steadily i started talking with her... n den used to walk her to her rikshaw stand n den to her home. we were becuming frnds n den we exchanged numbers n den we used to talk to each other on phone... n then we were frnds n dat too thick frnds...
in all phone calls wich lasted fr hours n all those walking to her home i din see that she was falling in love with me even i too found it hard to be without her, every evening i wished her bye it was hard fr me to leave her.
she started sharing her things n prblms with me... i realised dat she was an innocent person with mind so brittle dat it wud just break if no helped her n den i started helping her... giving her confidence helping her in problems n everything.... though nuthing worked at the begining but den slowly n steadily it started showing results... i was very happy to see dat she was finally happy, n a bit more confident. but still she was unable to take her own decision still....
i tried everything i can to boost her so dat she can take the step she want to take..... but she wont.
as days passed by the world around us was becoming more n more colourfull... fr me coz she was with me n nw again i was feeling cumplete n fr her coz she was finally doin things n also the confidence wich she had just dreamed....
i was happy fr her... i still remeber she calling up his ex bf n literally swearing at him fr dumping her fr her frnd.... i hadnt expected her to do dat i just told her to do it but den she just called up n started shouting at him... i was happy coz even if she hadnt done dat i wud have done it coz dat bastard cheated on a poor n innocent gal...even i flirt n have fun on gals but dats only on corrupt gals or dose gals who dont mind. so wen i heard her calling him a 'chutiye' i felt like hugging her tite n kissing her. it was as if she was my soulmate.
dat nite while goin to sleep sumthing happened... i was thinking abt her n smiling at all the silly things dat gal did n was infact loving each n every single moment i spent with her. i realized one thing dat no matter hw much i try to ignore the feeling i was in love with her... a feeling wich i had thought i had lost among all the tym i spent with corrupt gals n cheap flirting... everything was changed abt me, i started finding all the gals n frnds i talked n all the things i did as cheap n vulgar n rude....
i dont knw nuthing mattered to me abt her.... it din matter dat she was nt beautiful or had a hot fig also it din matter dat she was elder to me b 5yrs n also it din matter to me dat none of our relatives wud suppost it in fact dey will be gainst it. nuthing was on our side apart frm a feeling of having our own world..
wat mattered was that i wanted to make the world we imagined together. the world we designed together a reality.... i knew she loved me too.
months passed by... summer went n rain came... i had finished my HSC exams n was waiting fr the reults... everyday we used to meet n i used to walk her home...
one day wen i was walking her home wat started as a drizzle turned to heavy n steady rain... even though we had umbrella, it was of little help in dat rain.
we ran to a nearby building fr cover... all wet we stood der silently.. staring at the rains.. i glanced at her n der she was standing in frnt of me, my future so close yet so far... my feelings fr her was growing stronger n i couldnt control it. she was also looking at me nw n i could feel that even she too was feeling it...
i came close to her, i put my hand on her waist... all the surrounding blurred.... she was waiting closing her eyes, rain drops had settled on her face, i pulled my face closer, she gave a shudder but still she din open her eyes... i kissed on a raindrop dat had settled on her cheek.. her body was shivering i could feel her fragile body in her arms. i kissed he again on the cheeks.. she lowered her head, i pushed her chin upwards towards me.... her lips were wet n inviting. she still had kept her eyes shut n her hand wrapped around me. i brought my lips closer n closer she again lowered her head n i kissed on her forehead, she looked at me n put her head on my chest... i hugged her titely... n we stood dere like dat for hw long i dnt remember. rains stopped n i was finding it hard to leave her but was helpless.
she took her umbrella, looked at me, smiled slightly n left... we din talk dat day but den wat happened between us dat day was enough to last an eternity. the most happiest memory i shared with her. i went back home.
I LOVED HER N SHE TOO LOVED ME VERY MUCH!!!!
next day we met n we acted as nuthing had happened yesterday but den we had a kind of togetherness in us nw. i was finding it hard to keep it to myself nw n i decided to tell it to my best frnd vishal... the nest day i told it to him n he was shocked... he told me dat u shudnt take it forward as dis is nt possible n it wnt wrk n all that age things n problem with the parents n all dat...
i first ignored him n said dat i dont care i just want her... n again he said all the same things to me n again i said i dnt care n den he slapped me damm hard n siad "WAKE UP VIJAY!! " it was like i woke up frm a dream or sumthing n he said it again planely as he had said before but dis tym it sounded different to me... i looked at him n he knew i gt wat he was pointing at. fear started gripping me as the truth started stabbing me rite on my face. all dis tym blinded by love in couldnt see the reality standing in frnt of me... my heart started beating harder...
'oh god wat have i done!! i just nw destroyed an innocent heart wich obv cant be mine!! y the hell i am pursuing it n making it more harder fr me n her '
i had to do sumthing b4 it bcums more late...
b4 i could think up sumthing else my phone rang... it was her, i picked it up n b4 i could say nething she said it, "vijay my parents have found a boy fr me n dey have fixed it without asking me... wat shud i do..."
"vidya just chill n tell ur dad dat u dnt wnt to marry dis guy tell ur decission"
"no vijay i cant... i dnt knw wat to do vijay, i want to be with u vijay.. i love u, i dont want to be with ne1 else but u"
"vidya u n me we both knw dat i cant do nething rite nw think up of sumthing n buy tym n let me think..."
i cut the phone b4 she could say nething... vishal was looking at me.. we both were shocked to say suthing... n to add to dat a msg came n in dat she said
'Vijay i am ready to come with u if u call me '
vishal looked at me n said, "dude did i tell u u re in real shit man!! u can still repair the damage done"
"are u sure??", i looked at him..
he smiled n said "it will be hard, but yes"
i left him....
dat day evening i met her n she told me, "vijay i have decided i want to be with u... i will tell my dad everything i am sure he will understand it later or we will go sumwhere "
"vidya u clearly kno dats nt gonna happen, i love u but i cant own u"
"wat are u talking abt vijay, i tell u evrything will be fine"
"u re 5yrs elder to me, 5 freakin yrs!!! vidya, nuthin is goin to workout n i am nt goin to destroy ur future.."
"wat are u trying to tell me"
"leave me vidya, i am nt a good guy.. u are a nice gal n u have a future, ur parents love u, dnt hurt dem. u can get 10tyms much better person dan me... dnt destroy ur life"
"but u love me... wat happened dat nite was....."
i interrupted her, "wat happened dat nite was wrong n we shudnt have done it.. forget it n live a new life, i promise i wnt reveal it to ne1."
"but u loved it rite" she asked tears running down her eyes.
"i loved it, i loved every moment i spent with u, but its not goin to work. vidya plz try to understand.. u re a mature gal, just clear ur mind n think abt it"
she wipped her tears, looked at me n left. i din stop her.
i msged her,
'i am really sorry but dis is the rite thing, think abt it i am sure u will also knw dat wat happened dat day was wrng... plz try to understand wat i am trying to tell'
dat day she din msg me...
next day she din call me fr the next 5 days... all dese das i am checking my phone fr her msgs....
finall after a week she msged me,
'HI VIJAY U RE RITE.... I REALIZED NUTHING WILL WORK OUT BETWEEN US, I SAID YES TO MY DAD FR THE MARRIAGE, BYE VIJAY'
i texted her back, 'I AM HAPPY FR U VIDYA, FINALLY U UNDERSTOOD'
dat was the last msg she sent me n the last conversation we had...
after dat wenevr i couldnt contact her, she had changed her sim, she resigned frm the classes, she changed her email id n evry other contacts i had...
den my college started, engg kept me busy n one day i came to knw frm her frnd dat she was getting married the next day...
i dnt knw but sumthing in me forced me to go to her house fr the haldi ceremony dat nite, i went dat nite... her building was all lit up, der was band baja n all, her realtives were sitting in the courtyard, sum marathi music were goin on in the background. i waited in a corner so dat no1 sees me. i looked at ppls faces, everyone was so happy... looking at deir happy faces i realized dat i had done a rite thing... n den she came her dad n bro was carrying her around.. ppl started dancing wen she came.... her mom stood deir with other women n she was also damm happy... i hid frm her site n i looked at her n saw hw her haldi covered face was glooming with happiness... she was also dancing with others.... eveyone were happy... my thoughts were confirmed dat we both did a rite thing.
i again looked at her n smiled n at dat instant her dad came near me n started talking with the guy standing next to me.... he was crying with happiness seeing his daughter n the other guy was wiping his tears....
dat day i realised sumthing else... our parents always do everything fr our good.. they are leaving fr us n nt fr demselves n dey feel proud wen de see deir children happy or in good position...
i came home happy with dat n with a smile nd an ans fr the question y God makes our life incumplete.
i promised to change my life n behave.. everything abt me changed, i started respecting gals, i became serious in life, i started caring abt ppl around me... i could feel d change me.... nw 8rs have passed n i am working in an good company with an nice pay n my life stable.... i realized the nest thing dat, everything happens fr good.. even though at dat instant it may feel wrng but still it turns out to be good...
but den wenever i cum to dese street i still feel her presence n all the tym i spent with her.... still one thing lingers in me... she who feared to make a decision her whole life made a decision fr the first tym... a decision fr wich i gave her pain n rejected her... i dnt knw whether she will take nemore decisions fr herself... n dis thought still lingers i hope one day i will get an answer fr dis too.....
TRRING TRRING.....
the phone rang
i came back to reality....
"hello! yes dad i just nw reached the bridge, will be dere in 5mins okk"
i looked around nuthing has changed, the ppl were goin around, the busy traffic n the hawkers der, the office goers dere, the lights nuthing has changed....
i smiled at them n den walked on to m home....

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